14 February 2005 @ 4:28PM >> Presto Chango: Meet Teresa Heinz, formerly Teresa Heinz Kerry.

28 September 2004 >> In a recent political rally at the taxpayer-financed Colorado State University, Teresa Heinz Kerry revealed that she’s firmly entrenched in the Michael Moore wing of the Democratic Party, saying that her husband would never go to war “because of our greedy need for oil.”

(Her remarks included no information on the gas mileage of her private jet.)

Shortly thereafter, she hinted that America under John Kerry might well be a dictatorship: “Day One of his presidency, every child in America will have health care. Period.” Last I checked, Congress has a right to weigh in on whether the president can nationalize healthcare unilaterally. (Just ask Hillary.)

Teresa’s comments answered those who wondered whether she had yet grown tired of the taste of her own feet.

16 September 2004 >> When a speech about hurricane safety veered off course, Teresa Heinz Kerry reminded us why she’s been kept under wraps recently by her husband’s campaign:

Clothing is wonderful, but let them go naked for a while, at least the kids.

In unrelated news, Michael Jackson announced his endorsement of John Kerry for president.

2 August 2004 >> Although the animosity towards George W. Bush was apparent throughout the Democratic National Convention, it did not turn into a rally to rival the Paul Wellstone memorial. At the same time, Kerry made no effort to shake his finger at the more extreme among his supporters for routinely comparing our president to Adolf Hitler.

Perhaps this is emblematic of the convention as a whole. It was well scripted and strictly disciplined, but it also seemed to be castrated. Not much noteworthy happened at all, except for the news that racial demagogue Al Sharpton is now considered mainstream by the Democrats, and that Barack Obama is considered a rising star whose speech earned high marks from the chattering classes on both sides of the aisle.

It is also interesting to note that John Kerry spoke extensively about his four months in Vietnam, but said almost nothing about anything he’s done since—such as his two decades in the U.S. Senate. Teresa Heinz Kerry was given a prime-time speaking role, the first time such an honor has ever been bestowed on a candidate’s wife at a national party convention. Saying, “This is such a powerful moment for me,” Teresa talked about herself more than her husband or his plans.

While the convention had plenty of put-on patriotism and much military imagery, there wasn’t much substance to be found. What are Kerry’s plans, for example, to handle the epic battle of our time: the war against radical Islam? Other than trying to be friendlier with Europe and the U.N., I really couldn’t figure what Kerry has in mind. Perhaps that’s why polls show little or none of the customary post-convention “bounce”. One poll even suggests that President Bush gained ground during the Democratic Convention.

The convention and Kerry’s speech in particular didn’t get much praise from friend or foe:

• Lawrence Kaplan, The New Republic:
  

  No one who watched his acceptance speech last night could have missed the fact that, yes, John Kerry served heroically in Vietnam. Easier to miss was that, as a guide to what sort of approach to national security Kerry will enshrine in official policy—presumably the whole point of the exercise—last night’s martial imagery and rhetoric told us nothing at all. Or, rather, worse than nothing.

• Editorial, The New York Times:
  

  Biographies that make his few months in service overseas sound longer than his 19 years in the Senate will never be convincing.

• Thomas Oliphant, Boston Globe:
  

  Perhaps the public will let him off the hook, but the fact remains that Kerry essentially blew an opportunity he may not get again until the debates with Bush this fall. He and his advisers can and will argue that the cold facts of economic and foreign policy life will dominate political opinion in the weeks ahead; nevertheless, a golden opportunity slipped away.

• Paul Gigot, The Wall Street Journal:
  

  His main vow was that ‘I will bring back this nation’s time-honored tradition: the United States of America never goes to war because we want to, we only go to war because we have to.’ This would have ruled out Kosovo, Bosnia and Haiti—three military actions the Senator endorsed. Not to mention World War I and Korea. This is a repudiation of pre-emption, but worse it sounds like a return to the pre-9/11 policy of waiting until terrorists hit us, rather than taking the war to the terrorists on their turf. This is a debate Mr. Bush should also want to have.

• David Brooks, The New York Times:
  

  What an incoherent disaster. When you actually read for content, you see that [Kerry’s] speech skirts almost every tough issue and comes out on both sides of every major concern. The Iraq section is shamefully evasive. He can’t even bring himself to use the word ‘democratic’ or to contemplate any future for Iraq, democratic or otherwise. He can’t bring himself to say whether the war was a mistake or to lay out even the most meager plan for moving forward. For every gesture in the direction of greater defense spending, there are opposing hints about reducing our commitments and bringing the troops home.

• Mark Steyn, London Telegraph:
  

  It was interesting to see Ben Affleck emerge as the Hollywood mascot of the Democratic Convention. The week reminded me of Ben’s movie Pearl Harbor: wall-to-wall evocative military imagery, a cast of thousands, superb production values, but a huge gaping hole where the star performance was supposed to be.

• Editorial, New York Post:
  

  He thanked those of the ‘greatest generation for making America strong, for winning World War II, for winning the Cold War and for the great gift of service which brought America 50 years of peace and prosperity.’

  Hollow words, given that during Kerry’s years in the Senate he voted against most of the weapons systems that kept the Soviet Union at bay — and ultimately made the Cold War victory possible.

• Debra Saunders, San Francisco Chronicle:
  

  ...this convention is packed with politicians who are boasting about the tremendous party unity they see everywhere. House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi of San Francisco said that the party is more united than she has seen it in 40 years. Three in 4 Democrats disagree with the nominee on the biggest issue out there — and that’s unity?

• David Broder, The Washington Post:
  

  Students of political rhetoric generally agree on the elements that make for a successful convention acceptance speech. Over the years, the best of them have had some or all of these ingredients: a fresh and powerful personal narrative, strong ideas, memorable phrases, and a rhythm that builds to an emotional climax.

  John Kerry’s address to the Democratic National Convention on Thursday night fell short in all these respects.

• Dick Morris, New York Post:
  

  He opened up his talk with a lengthy and evocative description of his childhood and what it was like growing up in divided Berlin. He told us of the ‘goose bumps’ he remembers getting when the band struck up ‘Stars and Stripes Forever.’

  Then, after this long rendition of his childhood, he tells us at length what it was like to serve in Vietnam for the four months that he was there. So far, so good.

  But then he spent only about one minute talking about what he has done since.

  Beyond a brief allusion to his efforts for crime victims and to prosecute crimes against women as an assistant district attorney, his support for Clinton’s plan for extra cops and a balanced budget and a reference to his work with John McCain on the POW and MIA issue in Vietnam, that’s it.

13 May 2004 >> “The rich aren’t paying their fair share!” That’s the mantra you hear whenever a Democrat runs for office. You’d think that people employing such rhetoric would be sure to pony up their fair share, right? Especially if the people involved happened to be super-rich?

Not in the case of John Kerry or his wife Teresa.

Last year, Teresa—worth an estimated half-billion dollars—paid less than 15% of her income in taxes. Meanwhile, the non-Heinz Kerry paid just 23%.

Not that I’m complaining; I’m just a little envious. During my last full year of salaried employment, nearly 50% of my income was removed by various governments (federal, New York State and New York City) before it even hit my bank account.

Don’t take this as an argument in favor of higher taxes for anyone; instead, it’s a sign that we need a fairer tax system, one where the rate you pay doesn’t depend on the accountant you can afford. (A flat tax, anyone?)

But since real tax reform isn’t going to happen any time soon, I have a different request. If Kerry really has compassion for the common man, perhaps he can help this one figure out how to game the system like he and his wife do. I could use the break.

Next time you hear Kerry talk about soaking the rich, remember: he doesn’t mean himself or his wife. He probably means you.

20 April 2004 @ 3:06PM >> According to the left, Bush Lied. Saddam Hussein didn’t pose a threat to anyone, despite the fact that he had used weapons of mass destruction in the past. No, he didn’t have such weapons, they say, despite the fact that when U.N. inspectors vacated Iraq in 1998, they left with a long list of weapons that Saddam hadn’t accounted for.

No, Bush Lied, you see, despite the fact that the intelligence reports Bush cited were consistent across three U.S. administrations and were corroborated by the intelligence estimates of many western nations. Forget all that; those are merely inconvenient details that cloud the bigger picture: Bush Lied.

Now we discover that Denmark Lied, too! According to the BBC:

Denmark has declassified intelligence reports compiled before the Iraq war which show officials thought Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.

In one report, Iraq was thought to have both chemical and biological weapons, as well as an active nuclear programme.

Since John Kerry is so fond of citing his purported popularity in foreign lands, perhaps he should consider running for Prime Minister of Denmark instead. At least then, his wife Teresa “I can’t believe I live in America” Heinz Kerry might be happy.