Democrats love to talk about our supposed lost freedoms in the wake of September 11th. But they have no problem trying to regulate the most mundane details of our day-to-day lives. In California, a Democrat-sponsored bill would outlaw incandescent lights and force everyone to live in homes with doctor’s office lighting. And now, a New York Democrat is trying to make it illegal to cross a street while listening to music or talking on the phone.

Add that to the growing list of other ways the nanny-politicians want to regulate our lives (banning the use of trans-fats in restaurants, removing foie gras from the menu, outlawing smoking in your home and your car, etc., etc.), and it’s pretty clear where our freedoms are really being lost.

But if you think about it, we should really be grateful. We’re too stupid to make these decisions on our own. We might hurt ourselves. Or someone else. Or maybe even a poor, defenseless goose. Thankfully, we have the crushing embrace of the nanny state to protect us from the horrors of the world.

The question is, does all this really go far enough? Why waste years and years making incremental changes? Think of all the people who might get hurt in the meantime. We need something comprehensive, something that’ll start saving lives today.

In that spirit, I propose the Universal Safety Act (USA). It’s a very simple three-step plan to ensure that everything is always safe. All corners must be rounded, all objects must be encased in rubberized protectant, and all citizens must wear head-to-toe suits made out of bubble wrap.

So, support the USA, and do it for the children: us.